needed {prose}

i needed to take a step back from everything. i cared, but i was young, and the young don't care. it didn't matter much what i saw, in all honesty. it could be terrifying, or fill me with disgust. but that wasn't true.  i needed someone to show me something beautiful. it meant so many different things to me, that i couldn't recognize any of it around me. it was everywhere. mostly.

i needed some of my hopes to come true. but i was young, and the young become old too quickly, and are too far gone to notice that they had everything. i wished i was delicate. i wished i could become a writer. i needed to find some sort of eternal genie for my sorrows, to be free of the weight that was pressed onto my shoulders. but all of my hopes lied around me, dropping at my feet one-by-one. by then i was looking too far up to realize.

i needed time to pass. i needed it to consume me. but i'm young, and getting less young every day. time has already consumed me. and maybe with time my name will change a few times, or i'll get a hideous tattoo that eventually fades, but at whatever point, time will always be there to pass me by. always was.

and you know, i didn't really need anything.

tide

she couldn't take the heat
of the argument so she
drove off and took a bath
in the river, except it
wasn't really a bath, it was her suicide.

the sun was burning
her up, twisting her body
inside out until it
showed people the parts
of her she didn't
want seen.

she could taste the dryness
on her tongue before she
plunged herself under,
not caring that she was
throwing something away.

she didn't even wonder
if anyone would cry at
her funeral, and she
never found out,
but all of them did.

and she never knew,
that she was dead.
(but not really.)

didn't think {prose}

it's surprising how many people walk without purpose, without direction. and i wonder if we're thinking the exact same thing, but then i think, no, why would i think that, when everyone is probably asking themselves that too, so maybe i'm more normal than i had originally decided., and we do this too much, just throwing our legs forward and hoping we'll end up somewhere but we always end up somewhere, even if its a place we don't actually like yet.

punch

i'm not usually an angry sort of person
but you people make me want to scream,
aloud in a room full of people and there's
nothing to be mad about but i need to yell,
and push you down a flight of stairs in a one-story
home; so you won't break your neck but maybe
something will be broken.

painted white

sometimes i think i've been painted white to
blend in with the walls behind me. and
my body's been strung up on a ceiling-fan,

(but no one can see me because i'm one of
those ghosts without a purpose.)

no one can sense the broken spirit in a small
smile or stare, and i'm drunk on this feeling of
non-existence.

i'm wasted, developing another addiction for this
high; it's a gaze thrown into the air around us,
drawn to the tense emotions within my
rotting, invisible corpse.

(but no one can see me because i'm one of
those ghosts without a purpose.)

do it {prosetry}

sometimes, i don't think
i deserve to live.

this is one of those times.

just kill me already. i beg you.

failure

i build myself up just to talk to you.
but i couldn't even manage a smile.

what kind of
love is this.

i'm writing about you

i write to the nameless, who, so far have
given me everything and nothing to say.

and i write to the world around me as it

keeps turning
around and
around, on

an unstable axis
that hordes unbridled power.

double dare

just try to tear me apart, i dare you.

you'll find that i'm much stronger than
the last time.

and speaking of last times,
this is yours.

god

i'm not the kind of girl that believes in god.

i'm the kind of girl that's running out of things to believe in.

such a prude

you know, you might call it too innocent but i call it knowing what my morals are.

nostagalia

i thought that by looking back it would bring me closer
to them, to tears. but it did the opposite and now i'm
a stranger to their happiness.

i thought that by looking back it would make me
smile. i really really really haven't done that in a while
but i didn't cry, i only felt alone.

a story

she was killing herself trying to forget about him,
ripping the petals off of the roses he had bought her,
desperate to apologize.

she had slammed the door in his face, but not before
taking the roses, and holding them tightly to her chest
as she leaned against the door, with a sigh.

he called her for the last time that day, he was
done with chasing her. and she was dying,
inhaling the poisonous fumes of forgotten love.

hushed cries linger in the air.

to you, if you're l i s t e n i n g

i hate you because you make me write illiterate words, and break the rules of grammar.
but i'm drawn to you, because whenever i think of you my mind goes wild with
stories and words and plots and soon i'm writing about you, again.

we

we can never be anything less than hopeless.

out {prose}

you're eyes are a paradise i can never reach, a far away island that i'm forced to watch as i drift out to sea and i can't take one more second of treading water, i'm about to drown for you.

i can pray if i'm not christian, right?

i hope i don't stay this way
forever, you know, writing
about dangerous boys and
their dangerous eyes.

because soon enough he'll
look away, if i don't work
up enough courage to look
back. gone, like he was never

there.

could

i could be dangerous for you.

might as well quit while i'm at it

i have a really bad habit of falling for people who don't even know my name. much less like me back in any way, shape, or form.

hi i'm sierra, and i'm irish with not a spot of luck.

stranger stranger

i like to write dangerous thoughts about a dangerous boy.

vacant - a six word story

There's absolutely nothing keeping us apart.

you idiot {prose}

i like to think that you would think that i think that you would think you like them.

i think that you're just as confusing as that statement.

i don't even know

what would you think.
you, the boy reading this.

what would you even say?
you, the boy i write poems about.

impact - h o m e

i live in the shadows of your heart
and you still haven't noticed
that every time a smile graces your lips,
i touch mine lightly and wonder what it's like to
have its brightness facing me.

i used to think that this would be happier,
that the time i spent thinking about you
wouldn't be wasted like the hours i stayed
up thinking about your eyes when they
look into mine.

but this is painful. this is hurt. this is sadness.

untitled {prose}

you've left me here, in the dark.

jumper {prose}

i don't understand life because i don't understand religion.

but i can comprehend that these feelings for you are not returned.

some goals

from now on, i need something to see.

•  pass math
• publish a book of poems
• run a 5k
• pass earth science
• interact with a member of the opposite sex
• perhaps flirt with said member
• build self confidence
• lose weight 
• run a mile every day
• change wardrobe

that's not too much to ask for, right?

eh?

comprende?

I HAVE CHANGED (prose)

i can't let this growth within me die, it's too precious to let go. small, unsure, but determined to create another self, to be reborn into the world once more. it needs to be nourished, and i can't let my fragile self shatter, destroying this new life that's only beginning to branch out inside of my body, and it has something to say. but it doesn't know how to speak yet, so it's waiting for that fateful day that words will give it meaning. the seed needs to be watered, and kept locked away in some place where i won't forget, but it won't fall to pieces. she wants to be everyone, she wants to keep their pain, and we're so different, but somehow our minds came from the same world. no, not a world, but a universe. her world is much brighter, and mine? a bit dark. but they're clashing together, and she needs to escape, she needs to make her mark on this new land. she listens to the demands sent my way.

'get a job.'

'write a book'

'become an author'

so she tells me that this is no way to live. that i'm useless like this, that i need to learn to really live.

'don't throw away your being like that, don't set yourself for a single path and never step off of it to marvel at the world around you. become that person, you created in the mirror. the one who loves to be anyone but you. breathe her, live her, become her. because she can do anything.'

i'm holding this new growth, so tightly to my heart that it might fly away if i let go.

'set out on an adventure, that you know you'll never win, but will because you can, let its power creep under your skin. fall in love five times over, because you need to let go of the past. but don't worry about your future, that will always last.'

i can feel her smiling, against my chest.

'just live for the moment that we're sharing right now. you've changed. for better or worse, who knows, but this is now.'

her words come out in mumbles, but her message is as clear as day.

'and i know that there's consequences, to every single thing you do. but you have to live, sierra.

or else life will destroy you.'

the sun is out now, warming both of our hearts, and we're both smiling, squinting our eyes against the vibrant rays. and i'm stunned.

i've never felt like there's nothing left to say.

i just have to do.