oceans of me

sometimes i think i chase perfection.

all the while the world is falling to pieces around me, but
somehow this is my cracked up version of beauty.

i'm lost at sea, reaching for an anchor that isn't there.

all the while the universe is moving on without me, and
there's no possible way i can catch up.

i fall in 'love' so many times in a single week,

all the while the ones i need are drifting farther away than
ever. and they're never coming back.

sometimes, i think i need to get a grip.

all the while life is slipping from my hands, and i watch
as it walks away.

and i wonder why no one ever stays.

impact - t h e h a u n t i n g

I can't walk without a handful of ghosts falling out of my pocket,
their dull screams haunting me with every step I take, and this
pain that they've carried, ripped from their fragile bones is
forced upon me, every fucking second I'm alone.

each day is a lucid dream, so dangerous I can almost taste it--
but I can't, in a world where love is as real as the dreams of
a middle-aged, broken man, living on the hope that one day it'll be
bearable enough to look up with a smile.

or the scream of a girl being torn from her home,
clawing at the floors with her bloodied hands as she
succumbs to society's inane demands.

the silent cries of the ones too shy to reach out,
to touch the sun and hold it in their arms,
watching as it burns away their skin and sinks into their hearts-
bringing them together so this time, they won't fall
to pieces, scattered too far apart to rebuild.

irony {prose}

how ironic is it that whenever i look at you i think of all the things i could say, and then i say nothing. but you walk right past, not even bothering of a girl who's scared to mumble a small 'hi' but she always is sure to look you dead in the eye, and now she's convinced that you must be blind because you don't see her. you're running out of time.

she's leaving {rambling prose}

you can't leave me here with these people, i need you to guide me, i need you to show me that i'm worth so much more than i know, but most of all i need you to be that light at the end of this journey so that when i succeed it won't feel so bitter, like i've lost something and gained just another nothing to waste.

you
can't
do
this
to
me.

please don't leave me.

please.

a star

you know, i wasn't always this way but i was changed, transformed by that cosmic love that took you so long to find.


{ inspired by this song }

kissed me

but that's a lie, because i've never actually done it.
only in my mind. one half of me craves it, and the
other one must know

how wrong we are.

killed me

a picture perfect moment for an imperfect impulse.
i need to forget a horrible mistake, on the day that 

i kissed you.

florence

i love this song, she said, turning the sound up.
and the beautiful scream of a beautiful woman welcomed them home,
she leaned against him, sighing in contempt.

but he looks strangely at her, and her love for the pained sound
makes him wonder if he really knows her. and now,

somehow they can never be the same.

you make me illiterate (prose)

i used to think back to that moment when your eyes mirrored mine, to a time when i could look into you and see me reflected in your eyes but now it's over and so are we and all i am to you now is a memory buried under the lake where i imagined you would kiss me.

the summer chill

she is the girl that takes the lonely route home,
              and she shivers under the sun.

winter coats can't save her from this
              frozen summer.

all she has left are memories,
              scattered out over her sea of snow.

101.3

you are the
                  silence
between radio stations
on a cold day, and
the noise that
                    falls for
seconds in between.

Apparently this is true:

I write like
Anne Rice

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

absent

so cold, willing the sun to burn away her skin,
and sink into her heart.

(she wanted, to remember
             every boy
                     she ever kissed.)

locked away in a world without solitude,
to never be alone on a lonely day.

(she wanted, to remember
             every boy
                     she ever kissed.)

close to him but a million miles away on the inside,
and the paint is cracking on her egg-shell-colored walls.

(she wanted, to remember
             every boy
                     she ever kissed.)

but everyone keeps pushing her away, and it's always before
their lips can
touch.

(she wanted, to remember
             every boy
                     she ever kissed.)

the sun and its fire need her, to consume
and capture in its warmth.

(she wanted, to forget
          every second
                     she ever wasted
               with them.)

rape me

(she thought that he'd never touch her-
in the late hours of the night as he
drank his soul away.)
harsh screams, a piercing wail
and a broken woman is born.

(she'd asked for it, he told her-
and she took the blame, concealing
it within her heart.)
clear skin taunted her,
but didn't stop the pain
from consuming.

(slurred words escaped his lips,
but his intent was so clear-
and she trembles under a predatory stare.)
she calls him crazy but he laughs,
in her face as he waves her insanity
before them like a corpse.

(no no no no no no no no-
a whimper so small, that
no one will answer.)
and he denies her rejection,
taking her trembling touch as
a reason to take her away.

(with a crash, he smashed his
head into the table, and she jumps-
slumping against the wall
in defeat.)
she cries, for

(her eyes are open now, and
past him she can imagine a safer
world, one where not one will ever say
or speak or kill her with control--)

'rape me'

Pale

i.

he told her
to Leave him,

lonely,

breathing in
the fumes of
a toxic bond.

rising up
around him,
like the
memories from
Smoke.

swallowing her up,
in its light grasp.

she had called
him.

she had needed
him.

he watched in horror
as she
fell to the

ground.

ii.

he's burning up,
in the sun

sweltering with
Guilt and Promise.

his mind is on fire.

iii.

'leave me' she whispers
-he obeys.

'come to me'
-he adheres

'wait for me' she wails,
-he complies.

'touch me'
-he whimpers.

iv.

and she's gone, always

gone.